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好汉两个半第一季剧本.docx 330页

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S01E01 Pilot【Charlie, Alan, Judith, Rose, Evelyn首次出场;扑克神童Jake】[Charlie is in his bedroom with a girl. She holds up a very slinky outfit.] Girl: So, what do you think? Charlie: Wow. It’s for you, right? Girl: It’s for both of us. Don’t go away. [She goes into the bathroom.] Charlie: Don’t worry. There’s not enough blood left in my legs to go anywhere. [The phone rings. Charlie kicks off his shoes, and starts taking off his pants.] Machine: Hey, it’s Charlie. Do your thing when you hear the beep. Rose: [on machine] Listen, you lousy S.O.B. I will not be treated like this. [Charlie runs to get to the machine but is trapped by his pants round his ankles and falls over.] Rose: [on machine] Either you call me, or you are gonna be very, very sorry. [The girl in the apartment comes out of the bathroom.] Rose: [on machine] I love you, Monkey Man. Girl: Charlie? [He appears from the floor.] Who was that? Charlie: Damn telemarketers. Girl: A telemarketer who calls you Monkey Man? Charlie: I’m on some weird list. Okay, it’s a woman I went out with once and she got a little clingy. Girl: You are a bad, bad boy. Charlie: And yet, you’re always the one getting spanked. [She goes back into the bathroom. The phone rings again.] Charlie: Jeez. Machine: Hey, it’s Charlie. Do your thing when you hear the beep. Alan: [on machine] Charlie, it’s Alan. Your brother. No big deal, just wanted to touch base. My wife threw me out and I’m kinda losing the will to live. So, when you get a chance, I’d really love to… I don’t know… Charlie: [picks up the phone] Oh hey, Alan, I’m sorry to hear about that. [The girl emerges from the bathroom.] Charlie: [on phone] So, where you gonna go, to a hotel or… [to girl] Wow! [on phone] Huh? Well, yea, I guess you could stay here. Okay, I’ll see you when you get here. [hangs up. To Girl] We better hurry. [They run to the bed and start to make out. The bedroom door opens and Alan peers round, closing his mobile phone. Charlie looks up – angry.] Alan: Oh, is sh


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