书面表达展示.docVIP

书面表达展示 书面表达一 得分10分 Protect environment One day, an artist wanted to draw a picture about a tree. So he came to a place with a tree. He was excited. He hurried to take out the things to draw a picture. At the same time, a man came here, he hurried to cut down the tree and carry it away. When the artist started to draw the picture, he found that there was nothing. He was sad, he had to go away. According to this story, I think we have to protect environment ,or there will be no trees in the world. 评语：言简意赅，阐述故事较为完整，没有语法错误，hurry to 的用意恰到好处。优！ 书面表达二 得分8分 Protect environment One day, Xiao Ming came to the park, the weather was sunny, and he was very happy. When he found a tree, so he made a small table when he was drawing the picture. He couldn’t see the tree, because a man took the tree. In the end, Xiao Ming was so sad and went to home. We should protect environment. It’s important for people to protect environment. 评语：第二行“when he…”并没有交代原因。参考书面表达一。 第三行前缺连词，可以考虑，but at that time, “took”一词表达并不明确。应换成 cut the tree. 第四行：回家 went home. 这是常见错误，要避免。 总结语言不错。 书面表达三 得分 6.5分 A sunny day, Jim found a tree. He very happy. He wanted to sit and paint the tree. He set up a desk. He knew he had to paint quickly, because people would make the tree se up home. When Jim look for the tree, Jim was very sad. Finally ,tree was moved. People should protect environment. 评语：这名同学的错误时很多同学都容易出现的错误。主要体现在： 连词缺乏运用。如：and , but, finally , in the end next at the same time.等等 句式单一，经常出现 he …..,he…….,he…… 动词出现错误：要么忘了动词，要么出现多个动词，例如：was like, 等 时态的用法经常出现现在时和过去时混杂的现象。 不善于用简短的句子表达意思。 将原文改为： A sunny day, Jim went to the park and found a tree. He was very happy because he had to draw a picture to hand out tomorrow. Then