BRYCE: All I ever wanted was for Juli Baker to leave me alone. It all began in the summer of 1957, before the start of second grade.
STEVEN: Here we are.
PATSY: Ha, ha. What do you guys think?
LYNETTA: I like this place.
BRYCE: It's cool.
LYNETTA: Uh, what color is my room?
PATSY: Just you wait.
BRYCE: Let's see what's inside.
STEVEN: Hey, come on, buddy Bryce. Why don't, uh, you and I go help unload the van and the womenfolk here can get in the kitchen and start setting up.
BRYCE: Okay, Dad.
BRYCE: For me, it was the beginning of what would be more than half a decade of strategic avoidance and social discomfort.
JULI: Hi, I'm Juli Baker.
STEVEN: Hey, hey, what are you doing?
JULI: Don't you want some help?
STEVEN: No. There's some valuable things in there.
JULI: - How about this one?
STEVEN: No, no, no. Run home. Your mother's probably wondering where you are.
JULI: Oh, no, my mom knows where I am. She said it's fine.
BRYCE: It didn't take long to realize this girl could not take a hint.
STEVEN: It's crowded in here with three people.
JULI: I don't mind.
BRYCE: Of any kind.
JULI: You wanna push this one together?
STEVEN: Bryce, isn't it time for you to go help your mother?
BRYCE: Huh? Oh, yeah.
BRYCE: I mean, nothing would stop her. I was about to tell her to get lost when the weirdest thing happened. I couldn't believe it. There I was holding hands with this strange girl. How did I get into this mess?
PATSY: Well, hello. I see you've met my son.
BRYCE: Finally, I did the only manly thing available when you're 7 years old.
BRYCE: However, my troubles were far from over. The minute I walked into Miss Yelson's classroom...
JULI: Bryce? You're here.
BRYCE: ...it was clear: School would not be a sanctuary.
KID 1: Hey, Bryce, where's your girlfriend?
BRYCE: I was branded for life.
KID 2: Hey, Bryce, why don't you ask her to marry you?
GIRLS [SINGING]: Bryce and Juli sitting in a tree, K-l-S-S-l-N-G.
BRYCE: My firs