ACTwithLove-AssociationforContextualBehavioral.ppt

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Key Issues ACCEPTANCE Observe: Breathe: Allow I notice I’m feeling x I’m having the thought that .. Get present; ground yourself If necessary leave the situation If you do leave the situation, practice mindfulness acceptance (practice letting go of unhelpful stories) * Key Issues Once grounded, ask yourself What sort of partner do I want to be? What are my values here? If I could be that ideal partner, I would respond by doing … Then take action, guided by those values Visualize/write/rehearse those responses * Key Issues In other words: Be present, open up do what matters! This is an act of … Letting go Opening up Valuing Engaging * Key Issues CONFLICT Stop arguments in session Do mindfulness then and there What’s your body doing? Breathe into it. What’s your mind saying? Name it. Always come back to workability: What sort of things do you say do when this happens? How does that work in the short term? Does it help your relationship in the long term? * Key Issues CONFLICT What judgments does your mind make about him/her? What happens if you buy those judgments? I’m making the judgment that .. Naming the story; putting it on a card * Key Issues CONFLICT Being right versus being loving I’m right; you’re wrong * Key Issues CONFLICT Distinguish values from rules What are your rules? What are your partner’s rules? Where did these rules come from? What happens when you fuse with them? * Key Issues CONFLICT : Defusion of Rigid rules Expect them Notice them Name them * Key Issues CONFLICT Discuss inevitability Increase awareness of triggers Increase acceptance Be wary of simple solutions ! For many issues there is no simple solution: can that be accepted? Learn to discuss difficult issues with mindfulness and compassion * Key Issues CONFLICT ‘Pet arguments’ Name your stories Being right versus being loving ‘But’ vs ‘And’ Anger management if necessary (rea