浙江10月高考英语 台州概要写作 学生习作 点评 陈天河 2016.09.08.docxVIP

台州 概要写作 学生习作点评 平时训练题陈天河 2016.09.08一、概要写作原题二、学生习作及点评 点评：原习作得分：15分左右。要点方面漏写我的焦急心情；漏写我的孩子受到了教育；漏写这种精神值得传播。语言方面on the line, 介词误用；keep sb. informed of sth. 短语误用；deserve单词误用；最后，patience词性混淆。三、2篇参考范文：（一）学生习作，少量修改完善。（少量修改后，18到20分）Yesterday I went to Target with my children in a hurry. While waiting in line, there was an elderly woman ahead of me paying for the items, who moved with difficulty and paid slowly. However, the employee spared no effort to help her with great patience and kindness. Then I kept the manager informed of the fact that the employee’s act deserved praising. After the experience, I realized the value of being kind patient.(74 words)（二）新写参考范文(20到23分) Yesterday my daughter and I were taught a valuable lesson while shopping hurriedly in Target. Ahead of us in the line for the payment was only one elderly woman. Regardless of all the inconvenience, the employee, Ishmael, served her especially slowly, patiently and kindly, which moved my daughter and had me calmed down. Before I left with a heart full of gratitude, I specially mentioned this to the manager, wishing the spirit behind it to spread around. (77 words)（完） 2 / 3