SectionGuidedWriting.docVIP

Section1 Guided Writing Getting Along with Others 写作任务: 在日常生活中,我们每天都要与人打交道,而说到与人打交道,我们更多想到的是如何处理好与同学、老师以及朋友的关系,而往往忽略了与我们每天都要面对的、最亲近的父母之间的关系。不少同学以代沟为借口,拒绝与父母交流沟通。你怎样看待这个现象？说说你的看法以及你与父母融洽相处的小秘诀。 分析: 1. 写作任务要求大家根据某一话题发表自己的看法,根据所给题目,我们可以提炼的信息是,该习作要求对一种社会现象进行分析,然后给出自己的见解。写作任务部分已经对这种现象进行了描述,因而写作重点是你对该现象的看法。我们可以从自己的日常生活中总结经验,提出自己的观点:多和父母交流才能促进理解,进而融洽相处。 2. 确立写作重点之后,就要考虑文章的结构。该习作可以分三部分来完成:首先,简要描述当前同学们在与父母相处过程中遇到的问题；其次,就这些问题阐明你的观点,论述时要注意条理性和逻辑性；最后,再次强调一下文章的主题思想,突出中心。 3. 注意语言的流畅性和上下文之间的连贯性。 初稿: How to Get Along with Your Parents Nowadays, many teenagers are having problems getting along with parents. Some quarrel with their parents from time to time. Some even have negative attitude to-wards their parents. Nobody wants to have problems with his or her parents. First, I think because of the age gap different generations may have different points of view. And we should try to talk with parents more. Second, I think we kids should trust our parents and turn to them when we are in trouble, because they are more experienced and they may help us out. Third, we kids should think more about our parents’ lives. Our parents have much pressure on them from society and they’re very busy. Sometimes they may scold us and may not have the patience to listen to us, but we all know our parents love us. Finally, I want to emphasize that communication is the best solution for getting along with others, including the most intimate people --our parents. 教师点评: 1. 该篇习作的整体结构安排较为合理,开篇描述了当前青少年在与父母相处过程中存在的问题,然后针对问题提出了自己的建议,并且分三点进行叙述,条理比较清晰。最后作者对整篇文章进行了总结。因此,从整体上看,这篇习作基本完成了写作任务的要求。 2. 语言表达基本通顺,运用了一些复杂句式。 3. 文章的不足之处在于: (1)有些部分不够连贯。如第一段中最后既没有给出衔接上下文的句子,也没有明确提出问题,第二段开篇直接论述自己的观点显得有些突兀。 (2)文章主体部分在论述自己的观点时,条理性还有待提高。如第二部分,第二点和第三点都是先提出观点,随后展开论述,第一点最好跟后面两点保持一致。 (3)文中有些句子显得很突兀,如第一段中最后一句Nobody wants to have problems with his or her parents以及第二段中最后一句Sometimes they may scold us and may not have the patience to listen to us, but we all know our parents love us.建议将这些句子去掉或是整合到其他部分。 (4)此外,文中有