[英语学习]雅思作文第一讲.pptVIP

Firstly,the company can be responsible for their retired employees.For this reason(应该用purpose)，a special fund could(should) be established.The advantages of this model is,if u belive in the capitalist system,that(删掉) it should be the cheapest solution.（整体而言，是一个病句，从句与主句 没发搭在一起，主语不一致，说信奉资本主义没有意义，）A possible problem is that the companies might have competition disadvantage due to lighter(改reduce) staff costs. A second solution(合适么) is that the government has to take the responsibilityfor the old people’s care.It can finance(?) this with its tax incomes.Actually,this is the most democratic model since everyone gets as much money as he or she needs.(十分多余)Unfortunately,as the present situation in our country shows(我会用reveal或reflect),this solution seems not work well.(does not seem to work well)The government can no longer afford supporting all the old peoles.(没s,加衔接词) Another way of solving this problem is to give the responsibility to the individual.（changlish,let individuals take up the responsibility themselves）That means that everybody was to save money during their working life for the time after their retirement.(毛病多吧？)This seems to be not a very fair model because there will certainly exist people who can’t afford to save part of their salary.(不顺畅)In this case,the government would have to care for them. A last solution(?) is to go back to the old model of the “big family”who(指代不对) cares for all their members.I don’t think this is possible in our day’s society(很怪) because the family structures have so much changed. To sum up,I have to admit that I can’t give a really good solution for(to)this problem.All models have advantages and disadvantages.Certainly we have to finish around this topic much more(不知道什么意思) in the future. 雅思作文 Writing argumentative essays 皆さん　ようこそ  Formality Avoid Slang words and expressions:stuff,a lot of, thing,sort of,big EG：Significant,considerable amout of money aspects,issues,characteristics Two word verbs:put off,come down Number