（外文电子版资料）Bisson, Terry - Tell Them They Are All Full of Shit and They Should Fuck Off.pdfVIP

(From CRANK, Fall 1995) TELL THEM THEY ARE ALL FULL OF SHIT AND THEY SHOULD FUCK OFF by Terry Bisson Mr. President, you might want to take this. Its that NASA fellow you metlast month at the Kennedy Center reception. Good. Whats his name, Palaver? Put him through. Hello? This is thePresident speaking. Tell them they are all full of shit and they should fuck off. What? Hello? This is Dr. Salavard, Mr. President. From NASA; the SETI project? Remember,we met at the Kennedy Center affair, and you gave me this number, and you saidI was to call you directly, first thing, when we got some results, and not towait until the entire scientific community had been ... Yes, yes, I remember, Dr. Salavard. So what do you have for me? We have a signal, sir. What we call a specific. Nothing absolutely positiveyet, but-- Do you mean an extraterrestrial communication of some sort? It would seem that way, sir. Seem? Can you tell me something definite? Tell them they are all full of shit and they should fuck off. What makes you so sure its from an intelligent source? The pattern, Mr. President. The signal we are receiving is not a cyclingrepetition but a series of super low frequency wave spikes in a numericalpattern known as an ascending logarithm. An almost certain sign ofintelliigence and intentionality. Were pretty sure its a communication. Sure enough to describe it to my Cabinet tomorrow morning, plus a few selectguests from the Hill? Tell them they are all full of shit and they should fuck off. You can do it by satellite phone-link. Were having a pre-breakfast meetinghere at the White House. My staff will ring you in at eight a.m. sharp. Ihope I dont need to tell you not to breathe a word of this to anybody. * * * Gentlemen, ladies, we have a surprise guest on the line by satellite--Dr.Bruno Salavard, who is in charge of NASAs new SETI project. You wouldnt besitting here if you didnt know what SETI