A missing life.pdfVIP

阅读 Opinionsdivided intotwo sides． som epeoplesupporttheviewpointthatthere issomething wrongwiththewayofeducation，onthecontrary，partsofpeople。thinkitisjusthumanbeings’ nature． Therefore． we getinto a situation wherewe are fullofconfusionswhethermodem educationfunctionswellornot．ThecaseleavesUSan influenceoveroursociety． in spiteofhte high—speeddevelopmentofeconomy，thepaceofspirituldevelopm entstillstaysina low level．As aresult，muchmoremeasuresshouldbetakento improveourse1ves． 精 ’ 一 一 … … 一 … … … 具体讲评 1． 题 目用ALostLife更合习惯用法：注意题 目要大写。 2． shock与 seriously意思重复，删去后者。 3． just用在这里有 “只不过”的意思，删去。 4． 这里用ratherthancomingtoahastyconclusion使句子意思更明确。 5． 这句的句法不很通顺，改为ayounglifewastakenawayfornothing。 6． 注意句法，这里whatseemstobe…是句子的主语；时态应是过去时，因为谋杀已经发生了。 7． bravery用在此处似不妥，改为hatred。 8． 这句的意思应该是：这样的学生谋杀行为有其社会原因：我做了改写。 9， partsofpeople不合习惯用法 ，改为others。 1O．作者可能是想说需要提高我们的道德标准，用 moralstandards更合习惯。 修改后的作文 LostLi 1wasshockedwhen hearingthenewsthatam idgeschoolstudentmurderedhisschoolmatefora gir1．Atthismoment，Ichoosetobesilentratherthancomingtoahastyconclusion． A younglifewas takenawayofrnothing． Whatshouldwefeelbutsad， na gry， andsorryofrthe girl’sfamily? However， on the otherhna d， why did the studentdo that? Wh atseemed to be a particularlynormalsituation resultedyetin aterribleconflict． Itmakesmeconfused： Wh eredidthe studentgetsuchhatredto killhisschoolmate?Thinkingaboutitdeeply，thenyouwillrealizethatsuch tragedieshavetheirsocialroots． Opinionsaredividedintotwosides： Somepeoplesupporttheviewpointthatthereissomething wrongwiththeeducationsystem；onthecontrary，othersthinkitisjusthumannature．Therefore，we getnito asituationwhereweraefullofconfusionswhethermodem educa