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亲爱的，那些不是挑衅的话语 Let’s say（假想）?you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s—gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros?（小咖啡馆）when you were single and skinny—have for the most part come true. Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.? 　　? 　　Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”? 　　? 　　His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker（猛击） punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I’d recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.”? 　　? 　　He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind. So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”? 　　? 　　Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? Thats when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t. Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it（=give up）.”? ? 　　假设你拥有你认为是健康的婚姻:在共度了半生之后,你们仍然是朋友及爱人。20多岁时——那时你们还单身,身段苗条,身处点着蜡烛的市区小餐馆的你们凝望着彼此的眼睛——你们要实现的梦想如今大部分都已实现了。二十年之后,你拥有20英亩(80936平方米)土地、农舍、孩子,小狗及马匹。你成为了你自己所说的那种父 母——充满爱意、循循善诱。下面这些你都经历过了:去迪斯尼乐园、去露营、去夏威夷和墨西哥度假、在城市里生活以及眺望星星。? 　　? 　　当然,你也有婚姻问题,但是总体而言,对所有事情的运作你还是自我感觉良好,以致就算是在最怪异的噩梦中,你也不会想到在某个晴朗夏日,你会从你丈夫口中听到这些话:“我不再爱你了。我也不知道我是否曾经爱过你。我要搬出去。孩子们会理解的,他们也想我过得快乐。”? 　　? 　　他的话就像一记重拳冷不防地朝我击来,但那时不知怎的,我竟然闪躲过去了。我立即恢复过