One Moment I Treasure Most.docVIP

One Moment I Treasure Most 　　 编者按：目前，初高中英语教学中最令师生纠结的是写作。对学生而言，拿到一个题目之后，如何审题、谋篇、组段、连句、造句、用词？对教师而言，面对学生的作文，如何从宏观到微观对上述各层面表现出的问题加以有效指导？这些是大家期待解决的问题。鉴于此，我刊开设“英语写作”栏目，特邀浙江外国语学院赵伐教授主持，邀请中学英语名师共同点评学生的作文。本期刊登的是义乌某高三学生的作文，由赵教授点评。希望能给师生以实实在在的帮助！ 　　We go through various things everyday， sweet and salty. But one memory still exist in my mind would never fade away. 　　 It’s was five years ago， on a freezing cold morning， which can’t be more normal. But it truly changes me in a sense. As usual， I got up early to go to school. The wind is so chilly that my legs can’t help shaking. The street is empty but there is one old man sweeping with hot steam came from his mouth. Without noticing him I dropped my litter to the ground he just cleaned. Yes， I should acknowledge that I take it for granted that the dirt owns him. Then I walked away. Much to my surprise， the man dressed in orange blew slowly and caught the litter to the cabin. The action just shocked me. 　　 He is such an old man， but still devotes to society. However， I am young. I came up an incredible thought. Everyone should be treated fairly， no matter whom we encounter， even a beggar.I thank the man earnestly. He leads me to a peaceful altitude to orange. 　　 从题目看，这篇作文要求学生叙述自己最珍惜的“one moment”，并发表议论或感想，属记叙文。记叙文应有的时间、地点、人物和事件等成分，这篇作文都包含了。学生在叙述事件时，甚至还加上了场景的描写，把叙述渲染得更加生动，如a freezing cold morning，The wind was so chilly that my legs couldn’t help shaking，The street was empty等。该文第一段以“We go through various things everyday， but one thing still exists...”一句引出第二段的叙述，到第三段再有感而发，三个段落层次分明，从谋篇看应该说是不错的。第一段中“We go through ... everyday， but ...”这样的重要信息后置句型，是引出话题的一种最常见的写法。这种写法在初高中的英语教材和日常阅读材料中时常出现，比如： 　　 （1）Many would agree that when we think of Christmas， we probably think of gifts， Christmas trees and Santa Claus. But behind all these things lies the true meaning of Christmas： the importance of sharing and giving love and joy to people around us. （人教版初中英语第9册第二单元） 　　 （2）I had many exciting moments in West Lake last Sunday， but of all