作文(present)20110915.pptVIP

* 以“礼物”为主题写一篇作文。该文章必须包括以下内容： 1、你送礼物的对象及所送的礼物； 2、该礼物对他（她）可能产生的影响或带来的变化。 (1) 审题 （占文章主要部分） (2) 组织文章结构 Ⅰ. Head： Ⅱ. Body： Ⅲ. Ending： ①引出礼物的主题 ②礼物+送的对象 ③送他（她）礼物的原因（1、2句过渡） ④影响或变化1 ⑦影响或变化2 ⑤支持句 ⑥支持句 ⑧支持句 ⑨支持句 ⑩希望他(她)喜欢礼物 (11)重申礼物的含义 (3) 充实每一句的内容 ④影响或变化1 ⑤支持句 ⑥影响或变化2 ⑦支持句 ⑧影响或变化3 ⑨支持句 ④影响或变化1 ⑤支持句⑥支持句 ⑦影响或变化2 ⑧支持句⑨支持句 ④影响或变化1 ⑤支持句 ⑥影响或变化2 ⑦支持句 ⑧影响或变化3 ⑨支持句 E D C B A 档次 0 0-2 0-2 1 3-4 3-4 2 5-6 5-6 3 7-8 7-8 4-5 9-10 9-10 组织结构 语言 内容 Gifts are the things which is full of love. Just like I deliveres gift to my grandparents every year when they have birthday. I gave presents to them not only to prove my love but also show that although they are old, I still thank them and remember them. are deliver as on their birthdays, to show give ※ 语法错误、表达不准确 ※ 未进入话题，偏题 ※ 开头太长、不简洁 In this summer holiday, my best friends went abroad from England to study. I wouldn’t like to leave her, but I know this idea is helpful for her. I ready the most important present to sell her. It is a camera. friend to I sent her a camera which was a most unforgettable present. ※ Chinglish ※ 词汇的正确使用 ※ 语法错误 recently，I’m thinking about what I can buy for Susan who is my best friend. Because her birthday is coming. After a long-time thinking, I decide to buy some books for her. Because she loves reading very much. , because , because Knowing that she loves reading, I decide to buy some books. ※ 需使用不同句式 ※ Chinglish In the evening, we had a dinner together and sang a “happy birthday” song to my grandmother. At last, I gave my gift to grandma and when she got the gift, She was very surprise, because this is my first gift to her. I stand between my grandma and grandfather. I looked at my grandma. Then said with smile, Grandma, you can see it!” She looked the gift which was wrapped up in color paper and put the box out of the paper carefully. Then she happily . I said: “Happy birthday and I love you dear grandma!” I think it’s a wonderful day. ※ 语言错误 ※ 偏题 su