考研1号《写作160篇》之11年考研真题作文练习修改与点评.docVIP

考研1号《写作160篇》之11年考研真题作文练习修改与点评 【原文】 道德滑坡现象 What an ironic cartoon it is! In this picture, we are surprised to see a younger who act as a temporary blind sitting in the bus. But there is a pregnant woman and an old man who two children catching his close nervously in front of he. In this picture, we can understand the meaning easily: the peoples` moral is falling with the rapid development of society. The drawer was to remind us to consider this serious problem deeply. This phenomenon is occurred at the young generation mostly. There are more andmore families have only son because of the prosperity economy. Thosechildren could not be worried about everything. What`s more, they are living in so many loving families that they tending to have nobody attheir eyes. They are centering themselves. We must seek for the effectively way in facing this issue. Otherwise, the prosperity economycouldn`t be lasting for a long time. In general, it is high time we put an end to the undesirable phenomenon of the falling moral. The parents ought to educate children keeping the habit of good moral. Furthermore, we can act as a competent citizen in modern society and a model for others to follow. 【修改与点评】 ①What an ironic cartoon it is! ②In this picture, we are surprised to see a younger who act as a temporary blind sitting in the bus. ③But there is a pregnant woman and an old man who two children catching his close nervously in front of he. 批注： ②句中，应将younger改为young man或者youngster更为确切。younger有两种意思，名词的意思是年纪较小者，幼辈，形容词的意思是较年轻的。这两种意思都有“比较”的含义在内，所以此处可替换为上述两种说法。 这里who引导的定语从句中，act后应加s。它修饰young man，其时态与原句保持一致，应为第三人称单数形式。 Sitting in the bus应该为sitting on a seat of a bus，这样在空间与方位描述中更为准确，也能体现出故事人物所处的具体环境和位置。 所以，该句的标准形式应为： In this picture, we are surprised to see a young man (youngster) whoacts as a temporary blind sitting on a seat of a bus. ③句中，who后面并不是对old man的补充说明，也没有完整的从句格式，所以将who改为with（doing）引导的伴随状态，来说明他身边小女孩的情况。 图中只有一个小女孩，所以要将复数two children改为单数a child。 这里“衣服”的单词拼写错误（close），应为clothes。而此处用pants（裤子）