怎样判断你是强势不是软弱.docVIP

Are you too pushy, or a pushover? 你是太强势还是太软弱？ Most of us can think of someone who is unaware of how others see them,” notes Daniel Ames, a professor of management at Columbia Business School who teaches courses in negotiation. “Sadly, often enough, this research suggests that person is us.” 在哥伦比亚商学院（Columbia Business School）教谈判课的管理学教授丹尼尔?埃姆斯指出：“大多数人都能想起某一位缺乏自知之明的人。可悲的是，研究显示，我们自己往往也是这样。” To measure the self-awareness of people involved in negotiations, Ames and fellow researcher Abbie Wazlawek conducted four separate tests, three of them on Columbia MBA students and one on 500 U.S. adults not enrolled at the B-school. After being paired up for mock bargaining sessions over things like licensing rights, each of the MBA students answered questions about their own assertiveness and that of the person across the table. “A key question was whether people knew what their counterparts thought of them,” the study says. 为了测量人们在谈判中的自我意识，埃姆斯和研究伙伴阿比?瓦兹拉威克进行了四项独立测试，其中三项针对哥伦比亚商学院的MBA学生，一项针对500名未在商学院就读的美国成年人。研究人员首先将测试者配对，让他们就许可权等问题进行模拟讨价还价，之后，每一位MBA学生就自己和对方的立场是否足够坚定回答了一系列问题。研究称：“一个关键问题是，人们是否知道对方如何看待自己。” The results surprised even Ames, who had expected to find some differences in perception. Consider: 56% of the people described by their counterparts as too pushy believed they had come across as just right, or even a little bit too soft. Conversely, 57% of the negotiators perceived as pushovers thought they had been assertive enough, or even pushed too hard. 测试结果令埃姆斯大感意外，虽然他已经预料到会有一些认知差异。比如：被对方形容为太强势的受访者中，有56%认为他们的表现恰到好处，甚至有点太过软弱。相反，被对方认为软弱的谈判者，有57%认为自己足够自信，甚至有些过火。 “Together, these results suggest that people who got assertiveness wrong in the eyes of others had about a coin-flip’s chance of recognizing how they were seen,” the study says. 这项研究声称：“两方面的结果表明，立场是否足够坚定这一点被对方误解的人，有一半机会来获知对方如何看待自己。” In real-life negotiations, what Ames and Wazlawek call the “line-crossing illusion”—negotiators’ belief that they had gone too far, or crossed a line—can be expensive. People who mistakenly t