《Positive Psychology 8》.docVIP

Positive Psychology – Lecture 8 I ended last time by sharing some biographical details about my life. Some people asked me after, Are they really true? So yes, They are absolutely true. And I told the incident from two perspectives— first as a fault finder, and then as a merit finder. Now the important thing to keep in mind when we think about the merit finder is that its not that the merit finder does not experience pain or disappointment, or anger, or humility, or fear, or disappointment. Its very disappointing to say the least, not to be able to pursue ones goal, if the goal happens to be a professional career in squash. It is very humiliating to be the only person who fails of a program and to have to walk around for a whole year in William James while feeling like you have a horn coming out of head. Its not fun. Its painful. However, the difference between a merit finder, sorry, a benefit finder and a fault finder is that, the benefit finder understands that while things dont necessarily happen for the best, it is possible to make the best of things that happen. Things will be OK. Things will turn out fine. It may take a while. Until I see the benefit of it, it may take a while and I will get over the humiliation or the pain or the disappointment. But that, too, shall pass. In other words, the benefit finder understands that these feelings are temporary, gives him or herself the permission to be human and then understands things will turn out fine at the end. I know that. Been there. Done that. Part of life. Permission to be human, which includes permission to experience these emotions and also the permission to fail. Well talk a lot about this permission to fail when we talk about perfectionism. Because perfectionism is real intense for your failure or we feel its all or nothing. Either we have a complete flawless record, or its useless. Its either phenomenal, or catastrophe. All or nothing. The benefit finder understands that nature, the human na