《psychology》.docVIP

目录 目录 I Back off! 1 Why is it so difficult to do ... nothing at all? 6 Back off! Theres a limit to how much intimacy you can tolerate. By Geraldine K. Piorkowski, published on January 01, 1995 - last reviewed on February 27, 2012 Were putting way too many expectations on our closest relationships. Its time to retreat a bit. Consider developing same-sex friendships. Or cultivating a garden. Whatever you do, take a break from the relentless pursuit of intimacy. You cant miss it. Its the favorite topic of Oprah and all the other talk shows. Its the suds of every soap opera. And I probably dont have to remind you that its the subject of an extraordinary number of self-help books. Intimate relationships. No matter where we tune or turn, we are bombarded with messages that there is a way to do it right, certainly some way of doing it better--if only we could find it. There are countless books simply on the subject of how to communicate better. Or, if its not working out, to exit swiftly. We are overfocused on intimate relationships, and I question whether our current preoccupation with intimacy isnt unnatural, not entirely in keeping with the essential physical and psychological nature of people. The evidence suggests that there is a limit to the amount of closeness people can tolerate and that we need time alone for productivity and creativity. Time alone is necessary to replenish psychological resources and to solidify the boundaries of the self. All our cultural focus on relationships ultimately has, I believe, a negative impact on us. It causes us to look upon intimate relationships as a solution to all our ills. And that only sets us up for disappointment, contributing to the remarkable 50 percent divorce rate. Our overfocus on relationships leads us to demand too much of intimacy. We put all our emotional eggs in the one basket of intimate romantic relationships. A romantic partner must be all things to us--lover, friend, companion, playmate, and parent. We appro