道德滑坡现象8【考研1号】修改作文活动之“道德滑坡现象”读者练习.docVIP

考研英语【考研1号】系列图书为您提供诚挚的服务！更多考研资料获取请登录考研1号网站 【考研1号】修改作文活动之“道德滑坡现象”读者练习 这是考研1号的作文修改的第二期活动关于话题作文“道德滑坡现象”。摘录部分考生的修改后的作文痕迹。通过这个平台分享给广大的考生，让各位考生能够在阅读研友的作文基础之上更清楚地认识自己的写作水平。以及能够从中吸取到更多其它考研人的写作优势，也可以因此辨识自己在写作中的不足之处。能够更好地学习和进步! 写作原文 In the above drawing,there are four passengers in the crowed bus.The blindman is sitting in （改为on，sit in常表示“旁听、列席”等意，表示“坐”时侧重指人或物整体能被包围在所坐的物体上）his seat ,while the pregnant woman,the old man and the children are standing aside and helpless. This cartoon obviously reveals that individual morality is declining in more and more prosperous and modern society.There are three causes that led(lead,描述现象和问题的原因时，如果没有明显的时间声明，一般使用现在时态) to this phenomenon.Firstly,people care about material life rather than spiritual life in the progress of modernization.Whats more,there is a wrong world view—every man for himself（加，and）the devil take（takes）the hindmest (hindmost),in the society.Thirdly,in a way,the lack of morality is related with the government (government’s) poor regulstion(regulation). As the low citizen morality may bring about a series of bad effects in our normal life,its urgent（如果改为of great urgence, 表达效果会好一些，用“be of+名词”结构替代形容词是一个很好地语言润色方式）to solve the problem.To start with,we must improve personal social responsibility.With the improvement of individual morality,people will be less selfish and more concerned about others.In addition,strengthening the government guidance is a (an) important part in building resident（residents’）morality.Through everyones effort,I think this phenomenon will be less and less(加上in the near future较好). 总体点评 本文的优点在于内容较好： 文章第二段采用描述问题产生原因的思路进行构思，分别从个人、世界观（社会风气）和政府三方面来说明原因；第三段是提出建议措施，从个人和政府两方面分别说明。思路清晰，内容充实。 需注意以下几个问题： 1. 文章有语法问题：其一，动词的时态使用不恰当，There are three causes that led；其二，主谓不一致，the devil take；其三，名词所有格未掌握好，如with the government poor regulstion；其四，不定冠词a与an的使用混淆，该用an的时候用了a，a important part。作者一方面应该细心，另一方面应注意自己是否有语法知识疏漏。 2. 与之前一位考生一样，作者也需注意区别同一个不及物动词后跟不同介词的用法。 3. 注意断句，every man for himself（加，and）the devil… 4. 文章有几