高三英语下学期写作点评--高中教育精选.pptVIP

【优秀答卷一实录】 Dear Editor, I’m writing to tell you about the discussion we’ve had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks. About 60% of my classmates thought it unsuitable to charge the entrance fee. In their opinion, parks are built for the people to have a good rest after they finish their work. If the fee is charged, then the entrance door is needed; as a result, less people will go there frequently and we should say the city is not as beautiful and comfortable as before. But against their opinion, the rest students thought that the low price was acceptable. “We couldn’t let the gardener work for us all for free!” part of them said. And a few of them even considered the problem of paying for the new plants in the future.? Yours truly, Li Hua /soft/ fhfthytjyj 【优秀答卷一点评】  本文覆盖了所有要点，语言丰富，文笔流畅，用词恰当、精彩，驾驭语言的能力很强,特点： 1．? 语言丰富多样。文中的unsuitable, as a result, frequently, comfortable, against, acceptable, for free, part of, even considered the problem of paying for….以及 in the future都是该文语言丰富的“点金”之笔。  /soft/ fhfthytjyj 2. 连词用得很恰当。文中的if…, then… ; as a result; as…as before; But…; And …这些连词的使用使得文章流畅、连贯。 3.复杂结构和长句用得多且地道。如：第一句中的it 代替不定式短语 to charge the entrance fee作形式宾语。第二句中的for sb to do sth结构。第三句中的If 引导的条件状语从句，以及and 连接的并列句和 that 引导的宾语从句（that 已被省略）。第四句中的that 引导的宾语从句。末句中的动名词结构paying for…等都用得很好，成为文章的亮点！ /soft/ fhfthytjyj 4．直接引语“We couldn’t let the gardener work for us all for free!”的应用使得文章更具活力，更传神！ 5. against their opinion用来表达对比关系，用得恰当、自然，很精彩！ 6．灵活运用语言的能力强。如：文章并未直接说“会影响城市形象”，而是换了一种方式把它表达了出来: …and we should say the city is not as beautiful and comfortable as before. 值得肯定。 缺点：文章未分段。 /soft/ fhfthytjyj 语言问题: （1）冠词掌握得不好。第二句中for the people to have …和末句中的 paying for the new plants中的两个冠词the都应去掉，此处只表示泛指的概念。 （2）少数词使用不当。如：The rest students应换作the rest of the students 或者只用the rest表示。 （3）less people 不是太好。因为less的后面一般跟不可数名词，如：less meat/less beer等，此处最好使用fewer people来表示。 本文得分：24分。 /soft/ fhfthytjyj 【优秀答卷