humor EnglsihⅠ.doc

Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didnt know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, For HEAVEN’S SAKE, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the GUNS! At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didnt find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His sons reply was: Just plant your potatoes. My Boss and IWhen I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I dont do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesnt do it, he is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.When my boss does the same, that is initiative.When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets.  FrogThe science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, Now Ill show you this frog in my pocket. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, Thats funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch. The Bad News and the Terrible NewsMichael sat in his attorneys office. Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news? the lawyer asked. Give me the bad news first. Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars. Thats the bad news? asked Michael incredulously. I cant wait to hear the terrible news. The terrible news is that its of you and your secretary. The Day that Youre InauguratedA woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair. When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff, complained the husband, and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush? “The day t