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LISTENFebruary2002
“NaturehasgiventoManonetongue,buttwoears,thatwemayhearfromotherstwiceasmuchaswespeak.”Epictetus
“Speechisajointgamebetweenthetalkerandthelisteneragainsttheforcesofconfusion.Unlessbothmaketheeffort,interpersonalcommunicationisquitehopeless.”NorbertWeinerin“TheHumanUseofHumanBeings”
WHATISLISTENING?Howisitdifferentfromhearing?
LISTENINGIS:Takingininformationfromspeakerswhileremainingnon-judgmentalandempatheticAcknowledgingthetalkerinawaythatinvitesthecommunicationtocontinueProvidinglimitedbutencouraginginputtothetalker’sresponse,carryingtheperson’sideaonestepforward
WHATSTOPSUSFROM
LISTENINGWELL?Thinkofyourownhabits,andbadlistenersyouknow
HABITSOFPOORLISTENERSDaydreamingEmotionalreactionSwitchingout(tootechnical,complex)DistractionsTakingtoomanynotes“Privateplanning”
MOREHABITSOFPOORLISTENERSGettingreadytospeakInterruptingJumpingtoconclusionsFinishingsentencesWanderingeyes,poorpostureChangingsubject
MOREHABITSOFPOORLISTENERSNoresponsetospeakerImpatienceFakingit(I.e.:pretendingyou’relistening)Fidgeting
WHATMAKESAGOODLISTENERThisismoredifficult.Whatgoodlistenersdoyouknow?Whatmakesthemgoodlisteners?
HABITSOFAGOODLISTENERThinkofagoodlisteneryouknowLooksatmeQuestionsmetoclarifywhatI’msayingRepeatsthingsbackDoesn’trushmeControlsemotions
CHECKINGANDCLARIFYING“So,theproblemasyouseeitthat…?”“Whatspecificallydoyoumeanby…?”“Whatyouseemtobesayingis…isthatit?”“LetmerephrasewhatIthinkyou’retellingme…?”
HABITSOFAGOODLISTENERReactsresponsively;nods,smiles,frownsHasalertpostureDoesn’tinterruptStaysonsubjectuntilI’vemademypoint
TAKINGNOTESGoodplatformsspeakerstalk150-200words/min.Don’ttrytowriteitallListenforhighlights,keyideasDon’tscribbleDon’tmakeabigshowofwritingnotes
LOOKINTERESTEDShowencouragementb
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