Stop Saying, “You’re so smart!” 3 Better Ways to Praise Kids.docx

“You’re so smart!”“You’re so creative!”“You’re so . . . [insert convenient, but possibly damaging description here]”The other day during a frantic scramble to get my one-year-old to music class, I watched her perform her latest trick—slipping into her little gym shoes and tightening the Velcro straps all by herself. She then stared at me as I sloppily filled the stroller with diapers, toys, string cheese, and other random items until I rattled off something like, “Good job, honey.” She flashed all eight of her teeth at me.As I started to put my own shoes on, she proceeded to rip hers off. “Baby, put your shoes back on–we need to go!” I said. She proficiently slid them back on and looked up again. “OK, let’s go!” I pleaded, to which she replied “Ehhhhhhhh!” (Translation: “That’s not what I want!”)Because I was in no mood for this debate, I cheered, “Good job, my little smarty pants! You’re so smart.” For good measure, I clapped. She clapped, too. Great, I thought, now we can go. But instead she continued the cycle: taking her shoes off, awaiting my praise, receiving my praise, and starting again. Uh oh, I thought, have I already created a praise junkie? I kicked myself.Here’s the thing: our child performs and we praise. This often happens without thought. What’s the harm, right? After all, it’s just a quick verbal pat on the back. But the research is pretty clear: praise motivates children… to receive more praise. And when praise labels a child (e.g., “You are smart”), it’s easy to focus on looking good instead of learning. In fact, the focus on looking good can become so intense that it encumbers kids from taking simple chances such as raising their hands in class.In short, telling kids they are “smart” can make them act the opposite. So how should we praise our kids to build an effective motivational framework? Check out three research-based strategies below:1. Praise the process, not the personThe research: In groundbreaking studies, researcher Carol Dweck found t