杰西艾森伯格小文章.docxVIP

MANAGEABLE TONGUE TWISTERS.BY?JESSE EISENBERG - - -[Originally published November 30, 2009.]- - - -Peter Johnson selected a group of jarred spices.If Peter Johnson selected a group of jarred spices,How many jarred spices did Peter Johnson select?- - -How much lumber could a woodchuck discard?If a woodchuck could discard lumber?- - -Sally peddles fish exoskeletons down by the beach.- - -Fuzzy Wuzzy had been a bear.But he was bald.So, if this was the case,He couldn’t have been very fuzzy, right?- - -Moses thinks his phalanges are perennials.But Moses is wrong.For no one’s phalanges are perennials,?Like Moses thinks his phalanges are.- - -One smart fellow,he thought he was deserved of this title.Two smart fellows,they also thought they were deserved of this title.Three smart fellows,they all thought they were deserved of thiscollective designation.- - -Red and yellow leather.New York is different.- - -Elizabeth Botter paid money for margarine.But the margarinefor which Elizabeth Botter paid was tart.So Elizabeth Botter?paid money for some superior margarine,and it made Elizabeth Botter’s?once-tart mixture good.- - -My mother coerced me to destroy my Mars brand chocolate candies.- - -James bifurcated corn,Although I don’t really give a shit.- - -I scream.?Then you join me.Pretty soon we all find ourselves?Shouting praises for frozen custard.MARXIST-SOCIALISTS JOKES.BY?JESSE EISENBERG- - - -[Originally published February 24, 2010.]- - -Why did the Marxist-Socialist cross the road?To get to the Marxist-Socialist sit-in on the other side of the road.- -How many Marxist-Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?Two. One to screw in the light bulb, one to lament Milton Friedman’s laissez-faire economic policies.- -A Marxist-Socialist walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’s unionized.- -Knock knock.Who’s there?A Marxist-Socialist.A Marxist-Socialist who?A Marxist-Socialist who wants to give you a pamphlet about class struggle.- -What did one Marxist-Socialist s