09英汉翻译_-4专题汉英翻译步骤精简版-2确定主语谓语遣词.pptVIP

一个春天的傍晚，园中百花怒放，父母在园中设宴，一时宾客云集，笑语四溢。 *At one dusk in spring，flowers were blooming wildly in the garden，my parents were holding a banquet，in which guests were gathering，laughters could be heard everywhere. *On a spring evening，hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while，guests gathered in large number，laughing and talking，which could be heard clearly. On a spring evening，my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time，a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there. 汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语，仍应确定正确的“主干”，前两译都将“园中百花怒放”，而不是“父母在园中设宴”作为“主干”来处理。读来，给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。 相比之下，参考译文则给人一种美感，散发出浓郁的英语味。原因很简单，参考译文选对了英译之“主干” （my parents gave a banquet in the garden）。 另外一个值得记取的经验是：汉语原句出现了一个句号，因此80%左右的学生译文，也亦步亦趋，硬性译成了一句，如以上前两译。 复观参考译文，我们发现，被处理成两句，从容之中多了些干练。 我在山坡的小屋里，悄悄掀起窗帘，窥见园中大千世界，一片繁华，自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄，也穿插其间，个个喜气洋洋。 *I stayed in the small flat on the hillside，quietly opened the curtain，caught glimpse of the world in the garden，it was so flourishing：my brothers and sisters，male cousins，were coming and going through，everyone looked pleasant. *In the small cottage on the hillside，secretly I opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. All of them were delighted，including my brothers，my sisters，and my cousins. I，without being noticed，lifted the curtain in my small room，only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden，and my elder sisters，brothers and my cousins，each full of the joys of spring，were shuttling among the guests. 汉语原句的“节数”有了空前的增加：八节。面对如此长的“竹竿句”，前两译显得有点“技穷”，依样画葫芦，照汉语原文的感觉走，见一句就译一句，不考虑“节”间关系，不分析时间先后和逻辑内涵。第二译文甚至没有弄清“自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄”和“个个喜气洋洋”之间的关系，不明白“个个喜气洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄”，而错把All of them were delighted当作“主干”，而把my brothers，my sisters，and my cousins用including作为其中包含的成员处理。 复观参考译文，发现译者在落下译笔之前，对原句的逻辑梳理，非常到位，因此，确定“主干”，也极为果断。“悄悄掀起窗帘”、“也穿插其间”分别作了“主干”，英译就站稳了脚跟。 特别值得一提的是，译者在第一个“主干” （lifted the curtain in my small room）之后，用了一个动词不