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Needs of the 2 – 5 year old Kind and understanding tone of voice and demeanor Encouragement to talk about how s/he feels in whatever way s/he can express it Permission to “play about” death and the events surrounding the experience Open and direct manner that says “I’m with you and you are with me. There are no secrets.” Needs of the 2 – 5 year old(continued) Sharing of how you feel or felt when a similar thing happened Reassurance that remaining family members will take care of the child Needs of the 5 – 9 year old Clear answers in simple terms to the questions that they ask, no matter how improbable their fears seem An accepting listener to the memories s/he has of the deceased Explanations to refute the magical beliefs that feed their fears Acceptance of play, artwork, songs, etc. about the events surrounding the death Needs of the 9 – 12 year old To be taken seriously, no matter how shallow his/her concerns seem To be included in family discussions about the changes brought about by the death To have his/her ways of grieving accepted While this age-group may understand death intellectually, they may have great difficulty understanding it emotionally. Needs of the Teenager To be included in planning decision making To be informed of what to expect in terms of events, ceremonies, rituals, etc. To know what to expect from various relatives To know what is expected of them To witness adults grieving so they can learn adult ways to grieve Needs of the Teenager(continued) To be encouraged to talk about what they think and feel and have their thoughts and feelings respected What to Do Act natural Show genuine care and concern Make it clear that you are there to listen Talk openly and directly about the person who died Keep in mind that evenings, weekends, anniversaries, and holidays can be extra challenging times What to Do Find a way to help children symbolize and represent the death Pay attention to the way a child plays; this is one of the main ways that childre