双语：喜剧大师柯南·奥布莱恩达特茅斯毕业演讲全文.docxVIP

双语：喜剧大师柯南·奥布莱恩达特茅斯毕业演讲全文 美国名脱口秀主持人柯南·奥布莱恩（Conan O’Brien）在达特茅斯大学的毕业演讲，最难得是插科打诨中句句见血，献给迷惘中的年轻人，如果你正在低潮期，一定要看看这个。为了让你有更好的阅读体验，讲稿里的笑点、重点都已加粗标示。双语演讲稿：Ive been living in Los Angeles for two years, and Ive never been this cold in my life. I will pay anyone here $300 for GORE-TEX gloves. Anybody. Im serious. I have the cash.我在洛杉矶生活了2年，一辈子都没碰到过这么冷的天。现在谁能给我一副GORE-TEX手套，我就给他/她300美元。谁都可以，我是认真的！我身上带着现金呢。Before I begin, I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired President of the United States and decorated war hero while I, a cable television talk show host, has been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today.在我的演讲开始之前，我必须指出的是我身后“坐着“万人景仰的美国总统和缀满勋章的战争英雄，而我，一个有线电视脱口秀主持人，竟然被选中站在这里传授智慧。我发誓自己从没见过这么坑爹的事情，简直就是美国之怪现状的一个缩影。Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things: Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011. Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. Im talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.?Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would someone have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.在座的各位毕业生、老师们、父母们、亲戚们、其他年级的同学们、以及那些来参加你们毕业典礼的老家伙们（译者注：自嘲，指的是同期接受荣誉学位的几位嘉宾），大家早上好！并在此祝贺达特茅斯2011届毕业生！今天，你们做到了一件了不起的事情，了不起到在美国只有92%的人在你们这个年纪才能做到的事：一个大学学位。没错儿，凭借着这个大学学位，你们在剩余那8%的人才面前就有了压倒性优势。我指的是那些中途辍学的失败者，比如比尔·盖茨、史蒂夫·乔布斯、以及马克·扎克伯格。说到扎克伯格再顺便提一句，只有在哈佛这种地方才需要有人发明一套繁复的社交网络，为的只是跟隔壁的某个同学说句话。My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. For example, you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn the diploma you’ll be receiving this weekend.That was great.作为你们的毕业典礼演讲嘉宾，首要任务是告诉大家生活本来就是不公平的。比如，你们废寝忘食的辛苦了4年，为的就是拿到这