2024年高考英语通用版二轮专题复习三维课件：题型六+书面表达+第4讲+四档升五档词句表达“靓一靓”.pptVIP

“冤屈的”四档作文(得分19分)

DearMsJenkins，

Howiseverythinggoingthesedays?I’mwritingtoaskhelpfromyou.

Thesummervacationiscomingsoon,soIplantotakeapart­timejobinaforeigncapitalcompanyduringmytwo­monthholiday.YouknowthatworkingexperienceisveryimportantwhenIgraduatefromcollege.SoI’dliketogetsomeworkingexperiencebydoingthepart­timejob.Besides,IcanearnsomepocketmoneytobuywhatIneed.

Inordertoapplyforthejob,Ihavewrittenmyjobapplicationformandpersonalresume.Pleasecorrectmyapplicationandtheformatofmyresumewhenyouarefree.

IwouldbethankfulifyousendittomebyFriday.

Lookingforwardtoyourearlyreply.

Yours，

LiHua

升格后的五档作文(得分24分)

DearMsJenkins，

Howiseverythinggoingthesedays?I’mwritingtoseekhelpfromyou.

Thesummervacationisaroundthecorner,soIplantotakeapart­timejobinaforeigncapitalcompanyduringmytwo­monthholiday.Asyouknow,workingexperienceisofvitalimportancewhenIgraduatefromcollege.ThereforeI’dliketogainsomeworkingexperiencebydoingthepart­timejob.Inaddition,IcanearnsomepocketmoneytobuywhatIneed.

Inordertoapplyforthejob,Ihavewrittenmyjobapplicationformandpersonalresume.Pleasepolishmyapplicationandchecktheformatofmyresumewhenitisconvenientforyou.

IwouldappreciateitifyousendittomebyFriday.

Lookingforwardtoyourearlyreply.

Yours，

LiHua

名

师

点

评

左栏作文用词准确，分段合理，而且使用了非谓语动词、复合句等，总体来说是一篇相当不错的作文。但是看一下右栏提升后的作文，就会感叹其语言更地道、更自然流畅，可谓妙笔生花，技高一筹。

词汇的提升有六处，特别是aroundthecorner,ofvitalimportance以及polish和check的使用会令人赞叹进入了一个更高级的写作档次；句式的提升有三处，Asyouknow定语从句，whenitisconvenientforyou状语从句，以及固定句式Iwouldappreciateitif...的使用都恰到好处，相对于左栏的作文有了大幅度的提升。

我们，还在路上……

Pureofheart，lifeisfullofsweetandjoy!

二分浇灌，八分等待；二分管教，八分放手；二分成绩，八分方法。愿全天下所有父母都能运用好“二八定律”，我们一起，静待花开。