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Death and Grief: Helping in Congregations Helen Harris, LCSW, DCSW Center for Family and Community Ministries: May 21, 2009 Loss and Grief…everyone is an expert Kinds of losses Own experiences Theory Practice Take Aways for Today Some Definitions Loss Bereavement Grief Mourning Challenges: Societal Attitudes…. Medicine should have an answer for every problem….especially the enemy of death If it doesn’t involve death of a person, it isn’t loss. Dependence on others is a burden……… Supported by church processes…. The Prayer List Food in crisis Celebration and Pollyanna Out of sight, out of mind Defining needs For example….Loss of Health and Independence…Needs of the Dying… Presence Honesty Hope Symptom Management Value Opportunity to complete unfinished business Sometimes, it happens badly When we judge When we prescribe When we “celebrate”only When we excuse When we abandon When we think we know just how someone feels We know…………. Each person’s grief is unique. Each person’s experience is his or hers alone. Each experience is unlike any other. So, I can never know exactly how someone else feels. “Though united in that we are grieving, we grieve differently. As each death has its own character, so each grief over a death has its own character, its own inscape.” Nick WolterstorffLament for a Son We also know…. There are some commonalities in loss and grief It helps not to walk the path alone Plethora of books of person’s experiences The development of theory Kubler-Ross Worden First: Grief is Normative Consider the age of the bereaved Consider the relationship with the lost person or object Consider the circumstances of the loss Consider the degree of change in day to day life experienced by the bereaved Consider the support available Consider the bereaved’s history with crisis EK Ross Model and Keys Shock/Denial Anger Bargaining Despair Acceptance Grief impacts us holistically… Grief Takes Time Whole first year is one loss after another Beware of special occasi
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