中英文笑话.docVIP

英语笑话 （一）? Q:?Whats?the?difference?between?a?monkey?and?a?flea?? A:?A?monkey?can?have?fleas,?but?a?flea?cant?have?monkeys.? 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？? 英语笑话 （二）? He?is?really?somebody? --?My?uncle?has?1000?men?under?him.? --?He?is?really?somebody.?What?does?he?do?? --?A?maintenance?man?in?a?cemetery.?[?semitri]  他真是一个大人物? --?我叔叔下面有1000个人。?  --?他真是一个大人物。干什么的？? --?墓地守墓人。? （三） Two?Birds? Teacher:?Here?are?two?birds,?one?is?a?swallow,?the?other?is?sparrow.?Now?who?can?tell?us?which?is?which?? Student:?I?cannot?point?out?but?I?know?the?answer.? Teacher:?Please?tell?us.? Student:?The?swallow?is?beside?the?sparrow?and?the?sparrow?is?beside?the?swallow.? 两只鸟? 老师：?这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？? 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。? 老师：请说说看。? 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。? （四）A?man?see?a?woman?is?beautiful?so?he?said:Oh,you?are?beautiful!But?the?woman?like?Chinese?said:Where?Where?The?man?said?:eyes?and?mouth?and?the?nose... 一老外见到一中国女人十分美丽，曰：“你真漂亮！”中国女人想按照中国的方式回答，曰：“哪里哪里！”老外便说：“眼睛、嘴巴、鼻子........”? （五） 一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。” 老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？” “后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。” How Did You Ever Get Here你是怎样来的？ One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two. The boss eyed him suspiciously. Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here? I finally gave up, he said, and started for home. （六） 采购过早 那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。 “采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。 “这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？” 在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。 Early Shopper It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent [bi?nev?l?nt] mood as he questioned the prisoner. What are you charged with? he asked. Doing my christmas shopping early, replied the defendant. Thats no offense, replied the judge, How early were you doing this shopping? Before the store opened, countered the pr