110 The One With the Monkey.doc

110 The One With the Monkey [Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross is entering.] Ross: Guys? Theres a somebody Id like you to meet. (A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.) All: Oooh! Monica: W-wait. What is that? Ross: That would be Marcel. You wanna say hi? Monica: No, no, I dont. Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him? Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab. Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel? Chandler: Hey, that monkeys got a Ross on its ass! Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment? Ross: Yeah. I mean, its been kinda quiet since Carol left, so... Monica: Why dont you just get a roommate? Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, thats, thats pathet, which is Sanskrit for really cool way to live. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.] Phoebe: So you guys, Im doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mothers suicide, and one about a snowman. Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman. (Enter Joey) All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy. Monica: So, howd it go? Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didnt get the job. Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year. Joey: I dunno. Some fat guys sleeping with the store manager. Hes not even jolly, its all political. Monica: So what are you gonna be? Joey: Ah, Im gonna be one of his helpers. Its just such a slap in the face, yknow? Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what youre doing for New Years? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Years? Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You dont have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, Im talking loud! Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so Ill be just as pathetic as the rest of yo