个人陈述批改-请供应链管理_托福写作.docxVIP

智课网TOEFL备考资料个人陈述批改:申请供应链管理_托福写作 个人陈述批改：申请供应链管理硕士专业。TPO小站综合点评及修改意见：总的来说，这篇PS的结构还是OK的，不够有些地方的处理不够好。比如，第一段的开头，虽然很开门见山，但略显突兀，建议添加一两句讲讲对供应链的兴趣是怎么产生的，然后引出要申请的专业。另外，很重要的一点就是对于学习部分的内容介绍过短。作为在校学生，学习是首位的，对于在校的学习要做补充。 原文： Personal Statement applicant: XXX My purpose in applying for the MS in Supply Chain Management at Olin Business School, is to capitalize on knowledge and ability of practice in supply chain management, which initially provoked my interest in the course operation management. Operation management presented a framework of companies operation and gradually I found supply chain management attract me most and is an area full of potential. Due to the development of Chinas economy and diversification of peoples needs, express and logistic companies emerged in large numbers suddenly in recent years. However, the level of supply chain and logistics management still rests on a very elementary level. For instance, just around my university there are several express companies, but their overall layout and management are rather organized. Besides, accidents happened sometimes, for instance, last year one man was poisoned to death because a pair of leather shoes was polluted by other toxic substances during express delivering, which caused bad influence on express and logistic industry. Thus establishing an effective and nationwide supply chain network becomes a necessity. To achieve this goal, plenty of experts are need to address such an issue. Therefore I strongly look forward to specialize in this area and expand my academic and social horizons in an international academic environment. During my bachelor study in Jilin University, besides regular academic studies, I participated in an Undergraduate Training Programs for Innovation and Entrepreneurship of Jilin University named Management Mechanism of Brand Crisis-Taking the Dairy Industry as An Example. For this program, I collaborated with another four students as well as acting as the group leader; I took t