[考研英语]2011年考研英语写作在线修改及点评木桶效应.docVIP

2011考研英语写作在线修改及点评 木桶效应【2011.6.1】 老师 你好，这是我在看了 160篇作文 的第一篇（木桶效应）后根据我平时积累的，结合原文的一些语句进行自己的扩展。里面的错误，由于我功底欠佳 希望帮我改改 谢谢啦。（希望用红色字体显示）。 【写作原文】 As is vividly shown in the picture ,a barrel cannot play the role of maximun capacity because of its’ shortest wood; One broken iron ring determins entire load-bearing. We all know the wooden barrel theory and the broken iron chain tells us the same thing that characteristic affects ones future . A variety of examples in our history while the following one is the foremost .Yao jia xin ,a collage student who should have possesed a perfect promising ,while he killed the woman after strikhing her that have been betrayed by the society and the laws . Weaknesses of our personality resemble the broken chain and its’alike that have limited our development .Therefore , were we ignorance them ,no triumph can we achieve. As to ourself,it is imperative to pefect our personality by absorbing essence and neglecing the drawbacks . 【范文点评】 ①As is vividly shown in the picture ,a barrel cannot play the role of maximun capacity because of its’ shortest wood; One broken iron ring determins entire load-bearing. 【第一段点评】 首段描述了漫画内容：最短的木板决定了木桶的最大容量，断裂的铁链决定了整个链条的承重能力。一般考研英语写作采用的都是三段式的写法，即首段描述漫画内容，随后联系实际，揭示漫画主旨。第二段分析现象原因和造成的影响。第三段提出对现象的态度以及应对措施。所以下面的第二段总结漫画可以合并入第一段。 maximun拼写错误，应为maximum； play the role of maximum capacity这一部分中，play the role of后面应跟一种作用，职位，而maximum capacity是容量程度的水平，两者的搭配不符合英语的语言逻辑，所以可以改为give full play to its maximum capacity； 将wood改为board更为确切； determin拼写错误，应为determine。 ①We all know the wooden barrel theory and the broken iron chain tells us the same thing that characteristic affects ones future . 【第二段点评】 第二段总结了漫画的中心思想：特点会影响一个人的未来。此处建议换为缺点（shortcomings; defects; weaknesses等），与漫画的内容和想要传达的主题更为贴切。 句中出现了两个动词原型：know和tells，可以将句子改为： the wooden barrel theory and the broken iron chain which is familiar to people tell us the same thing that weaknesses affect one’s future . ①A variety of examples in our history while the following one is the foremo