TEM8(2010)作文试卷评析.pptVIP

作文范例讨论 2：及格作文 Advantageous and Innovative Design It is reported that officials in a little-known mountainous area near Guiyang, Guizhou Province planned to make it a “central business district” for Guiyang, with an entirely new look. Though some people argue that the plan failed to reflect regional characteristics or local cultural heritage, I think the design should be supported because it will develop the little-known district, stimulate the economy of Guiyang, and help protect and spread the local culture of the area. 开头段不错，介绍了背景，指出有不同意见，亮出了自己的论点。 Thesis statement把自己论点和要进一步阐述的各方面写得比较清楚。 （1）It will develop the little-known district, （2）stimulate the economy of Guiyang, （3）and help protect and spread the local culture of the area. 英语专业八级考试在线课堂 First of all, the innovative design will contribute to the development of the area. Because of the terrain. The area used to be hardly known by the outside world. With the design, however, the area will have a fresh look, which will to a great extent attract people from other places. That is, the design will boost the tourism of the area, and thereby make it a famous place. With reputation and communication with the outside world, the area will have more chances to win investment and develop. Topic sentence出来了，后面的论证不够严谨：“这个设计能够使默默无名的地区成为旅游胜地，闻名于世，同时吸引更多的投资”。在哪方面吸引游客和投资者，为什么能吸引游客和投资者？这些交代不清，泛泛而谈，可信度不强。 With reputation and communication with the outside world，押韵不错，但是搭配不对，不能说With reputation with the outside world win investment and develop中的develop应该用名词development。 英语专业八级考试在线课堂 Moreover, the development of the area can stimulate the economy of Guiyang. Since the area is near Guiyang, the development of it will surelly have an obvious affect on that of Guiyang. With booming tourism, the economy of the area will develop accordingly. While attracting more investment, the area is also drawing the attention of the outside world to Guiyang, and thereby helps to stimulate the economics of Guiyang. Finally, the design