朝阳一模情景作文讲评.ppt

朝阳一模情景作文讲评 Controlled writing 假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华，请根据以下四幅图的内容，为校刊《英语园地》写一篇题为 “My Special Gift for Grandma” 的英文稿件，介绍你在寒假里用压岁钱为奶奶购买手机，并教会奶奶使用手机的完整过程。 得分汇总 错误分析 A composition with only key points but not details A composition with necessary and reasonable details A composition with ineffective details Objectives At the end of this class, we’ll be able to do: distinguish the effective details and ineffective details add necessary and reasonable details to enrich the key points Let’s discuss the following examples of details The gift was a cell phone. I chose a cell phone with big buttons which was easy to use so that my grandma could learn it quickly. It was a Friday, I went to the shop with my lucky money. Having asked some types of mobile phones, I bought a black one as the gift to my grandma. I taught my grandma as soon as I arrived home. She learned to use it. What surprised me was she could use it soon. At the moment, she began to call my mother to tell her the thing I did. Surprised by my present, she thanked my and laughed merrily. Then I taught her how to use the mobile phone to make phone calls. Having known the basic usage, she made a call on her own, and had a pleasant talk with my mother. Seeing her happy face, I was really proud of my choice of using my lucky money. Having felt the mobile phone’s convenience, grandma chatted with us on the phone every day. As soon as she met with her neighbours, she always praised me that I had grown up. Also, the neighbours said that my grandma has a good grandson. Three days later, when I was on the way to my grandma’s house, a neighbour stopped me and told me that my grandma showed her new telephone to everyone she met and all people praised me as a good grandson. The rules of adding details 与主旨有关----紧扣主旨 与连贯有关----合理想象 与结构有关----详略得当 Task 1 How to add reasonable details? On Friday afternoon, I went to a cell phone store and chose a large button phone specially designed for the seniors. Then I went to my