英语习作对比点评.docVIP

英语习作对比点评 　　例1 1.简要描述下图内容，并点明主题； 　　2.联系实际，表达该图给你带来的启示。 　　注意：1.词数不少于120个； 　　2.不能使用真实姓名和学校名称。 　　参考词汇：crippled adj. 跛的，伤残的 　　crutch n. 拐杖，支柱 　　学生习作（1） 　　It is shown in the picture that two crippled men with one of their legs bound together to see the world while they had left their crutches behind，which indicates that teamwork is vital to achieve a goal，or if any，two heads are better than one. We may draw a conclusion that the co-work and joint efforts are very important for success. 　　Realizing this point will benefit us and our society. For us，teamwork means efficient work and makes us easier to succeed. For our society，it is also a necessity to cultivate the teamwork spirit and establish a supporting system where people can depend on each other in the process of going into a harmonious society. Only in this way should we stand firmly up to face the challenge in the near future. 　　【点评】该文是典型的漫画类写作，要求同学们能首先读懂漫画所表达的深层寓意，然后结合社会实际谈感想。在谈感想时，更合理、更具逻辑性地表述自己的观点是十分重要的。在这篇习作中，该同学就很好地表达出了漫画的寓意：注重团队合作，变不利条件为有利条件。用词恰当；句子结构正确，能适当运用固定句型；要点全；全文结构完整，行文流畅；观点鲜明且合逻辑。本文很好地完成了预期的写作目的，是属于第五档的作文。 　　词汇方面：用词bound生动地表现出两人扔掉拐杖后行走的画面，用词vital显示出该同学较大的词汇量。 　　句式方面：谚语two heads are better than one（两人智慧胜一人），用在此处非常切合漫画的含义。文中使用了主语从句、比较状语从句、宾语从句、同位语从句、定语从句、倒装句等，同时文章中长句的表达也比较高级。 　　结构方面：文章的句子很紧凑，本文中虽然没有出现常见的衔接成分，但是这不影响语义的通顺和表达，全文一气呵成，显示出该同学深厚的英文功底。 　　学生习作（2） 　　The picture tell us when two crippled men meet each other，they throw their crutches and help each other walk to explore the world. This story showed that when we have trouble，help each other is very important and necessary. 　　In our life，we can meet many different problems. If we cannot solve it by ourselves，we cannot succeed. In this case，we can ask our friends to help us. With the help of our friends，we can do things very easy and I think our friends are glad to help us. 　　If we want to succeed in our life，we must help each other and remember only friends can help us. 　　【点评】该文是一篇低档次的作文，主要表现为对漫画的含义不能准确地用英语进行表达。该同学的词汇量有限，不能选用恰当的单词，文中出现了很多初中生喜欢使用的低层次词