说“不”，没那么简单.docVIP

说“不”，没那么简单 　　Lesley Ronson Brown knew the woman on the phone asking her to serve on the board of a nonprofit was making a good point， detailing how the group would benefit from her leadership skills. Ms. Brown politely explained that she was busy with other volunteer activities and wanted to spend more time with her family. 　　The woman kept pleading. So Ms. Brown did the only thing she could think to do： She climbed up on the chair in her office―to feel bigger and more powerful， she says―and “practically growled1）” her answer. “I was trying to say ‘no’ in a lower-octave2）， tall brunette3） voice，” says Ms. Brown， who is petite （and was blonde at the time）. 　　One tiny word can be very hard to say. 　　When asked to help or to do a favor， whether it is to donate money to charity， fill out a questionnaire or let a stranger use a cellphone， research has shown many people will say “yes” simply because saying “no” would make them even more uncomfortable. This is especially true when people have to give their answer face to face rather than by email. 　　And even when people do say “no，” they become more likely to say “yes” to subsequent4） requests. “They feel so guilty about saying ‘no.’ They feel they need to salvage5） the relationship，” says Vanessa Bohns， assistant professor of management sciences at the University of Waterloo in Ontario， Canada. 　　People will even agree to unethical requests rather than risk the discomfort of saying “no.” In one of four studies earlier this year in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin， Dr. Bohns and her team had 25 college students ask 108 strangers to vandalize6） a library book by writing the word “pickle” in ink on one of the pages. While many of the strangers protested， or asked the students to take responsibility for any repercussions7）， half of the strangers agreed to deface8） the book―much more than the average of 29% that the students predicted. 　　“One of our most fundamental needs is for social connecti